


Blue

by lililiyippy (sunflowerpots)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Depression, Dubious Consent, M/M, Overeating, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological, Rehabilitation, Slice of Life, Stress-Eating, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 04:06:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13310064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowerpots/pseuds/lililiyippy
Summary: Love knows no age, status, limits, nor boundaries and Wonwoo blames love greatly because of that.





	Blue

**Author's Note:**

> **DISCLAIMER:** The Dubcon tag isn't the only warning you should look out for. I intended to leave out a tag that will ultimately spoil the story and lose a bit of it's purpose (to put you on the edge of your seat). Let me warn you that it is rather revolting and might make you sick to the stomach. You can eat and drink while reading; rest assured that it is not gore. I do not intend to put rehabilitation centers in a bad light. Not all Rehab centers are like the one in this story.
> 
> crossposted on [AFF ](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1209988/blue-angst---dubcon-seventeen-meanie)

 

Wonwoo never really liked those four cold white walls, those neatly arranged chairs forming a circle at the center of that room nor the ash colored curtains covering the clear glass windows. There were six windows in total as he tried to remember it. He could even count the shining marble white tiles. It was sickeningly pure in that room in contrast to the people who were always sitting there once every three days. The irony made Wonwoo scoff.

It was another day in that same room, same people seated on the same chairs and the same person standing at the center, none other than Wen Junhui. Most of the times, Wonwoo wishes that the guy just gives up what he's doing and decide to go back to his hometown in China. The guy never stops talking and lording them over-- or so he calls it that.

 

"So, if all of you could still recall, in our last meeting we talked about how most of us could deal with our anxieties. We have experimented with fidget cubes, bubble wrap clickers and the like, and then we wrote reactions on its pros. Not much cons were written but some were more comfortable using rubix cube as they have written at the bottom as their additional notes." Jun started. "One particular member wrote about how reading a book calms him down." And then with that said, all the eyes are on Wonwoo looking at him as a wild guess.

 

A scoff was heard from a person one chair from Wonwoo's right side and before that person even spoke, Wonwoo was quick to roll his eyes. "Really? So when your hands start to sweat and you uncontrollably shake you just pick out a book from nowhere and read a random page? What if a character dies, would that help you be calmer?" Woozi spat in disbelief.

 

Wonwoo's ears turned red at this and he was set to spit back fire only to be in vain when Jun crossed his arms and interrupted the oncoming feud. "The program brought you here together in this room, in a circle, all sitting down on these chairs. It's a circle so that all of you would understand the word 'fair' and that no one is richer or higher than who. We encourage personal opinions in this program, Woozi, given that such opinion causes no damage or any dispute between you and the other members of the program." he states as a matter of fact and then he turns to Wonwoo with a raised eyebrow. "Am I right, Jeon?"

 

"Such a hypocrite-" another scoff from Woozi was heard and all heads turned to him. "-all fair and not higher than who but how come you can stand up at the center and brag about how you overcame your depression first and quicker than ours? Makes me want to think this is all some sort of a joke and this program is just made to keep us out of anyone's hair for a few months."

 

Jun was speechless and so were the others around them. Woozi made a point and some even thought that what he said might be true. Who wants to live with a depressed teenager at home? Might as well just send them off to rehab so they wouldn't be a bother and there's a high chance that they would come out 'normal'. So they say.

 

Wonwoo didn't want to admit it but he agrees to what the small pink haired guy had said. He looks at Jun sees his wide smile, but he didn't fail to notice a hint of sadness laced with it.

 

"Well someone's gotta speak up about the matter and help you let things out with proper guidance, no?" Jun replies to the smallest in the group, evident that he's waving off and leaving out the part where Woozi mentioned about the former having been out of the program easily and then was tasked to treat them like kids. "So, dismissing where we left off as we spend a lot of time discussing a 'random topic', we are now going to start our story segment now. Everybody's got something to share and this is a 'judge-free' zone so I would like it if you cooperate as this would help you get better if you start feeling comfortable when expressing your feelings or talking about the things that bother you." he says and smiles back in his sickeningly sweet manner just like before.

 

This was the program's segment that Wonwoo hated to the core and he wished greatly to be exempt from it even though just like Jun said that it would be of help if they were able to speak about the things that have bothered them. For him, he just couldn't bring himself to say a word about his matter even though he can remember it all clearly as if the events have happened yesterday. Those chocolate brown orbs staring right back at him, the slightly crooked teeth adorned with a pair of canines, those plush lips curved up into a smirk- he could remember it all.

 

One person after the other, they started to share some of their stories and snippets of their pasts; even Woozi joined in the group albeit bitterly, Jun was slightly proud of him for at least telling something about himself and what happened to him; why was he admitted to the program. The next thing Wonwoo knew was that eyes were now focused on his pale face and Jun was back in front of him with a look of expectance.

 

"Pass." he says dismissively; his voice, monotonous.

 

"Wonwoo, this is the fifteenth time that you wanted to skip.” Jun countered. "It's been two months. Don't you at least want to say even a sentence about it?'

 

"I'm not ready." was all it took for Jun to purse his lips and move on to the next person who was a victim of bullying named Minghao. He is also Chinese like Jun and it somehow is the cause of the program's speaker fondness towards him. Minghao just arrived a couple of days ago and Wonwoo felt in his gut that it would be easy to take care of Minghao's matter since he was very cooperative unlike him and the others.

 

There were six chairs in total and the raven haired Wonwoo knew them quite well because of the days they have spent together; though not at a personal level. He just knows their backstories because of the second segment of their program where they have to say something about themselves; the program in which Wonwoo still hasn't fully acknowledged despite his long stay in the facility.

 

The order goes from Wonwoo's left to his right.

 

There's Soonyoung who had both his Achilles tendon cut by other contestants when he joined a competition and had a high chance of winning- it resulted to him not being able to participate and have a surgery done to fix his tendons which unable him to dance. Doctors have told him it would take two to six months for him to fully use them for dancing but it wasn't high recommendable even so. Wonwoo could somehow acknowledge Soonyoung had felt when he gave up his dream to be a world class dancer.

 

Enter Hansol who isn't doing well with negative feedbacks and have trouble speaking because of occasional stutters. He was humiliated once at school as supposed to be harmless joke but he couldn't handle it very well and took it to heart, resulting to a somewhat inferiority complex which was worse when he first got in. He's doing better now and will be out of the program sooner than Minghao.

Next was Jeonghan who every one of them is familiar of as he is a celebrity currently on hiatus for him to get better. They don't have a name for it yet but it was some kind of a celebrity disease where he started mutilating his furniture out of habit since investigations revealed that previous grand awards were rigged so that he wouldn't be able to receive any, even a single one. Someone obviously from his previous company did not let him deserve the fruits of his hard work. The stress he had gone through was pretty intense and it was evident on his face and his lifeless expressions.

 

Apart from the other group member's reasons on why they were in the program, Woozi's was somewhat random or mostly unheard of. The short pink haired guy was actually soft, gentle and all giggly when he first arrived in the facility building and Wonwoo was one of the few people who got to see that side of him. He was really cheery and all over the place, wanting to get acquainted with everyone not including Wonwoo since the latter tried his best not to let the smaller male's eyes on him. All of that happy virus changed in a sudden when he knew the reason why he was there. Apparently, he was a quiet homeschooled kid back when he still wasn't a teenager but all that changed when he was enrolled into a private high school which made him a very active person. His perfectionist parents clearly didn't like how he turned up and decided to 'dump' him at the facility begging the staff to bring back their 'real' son. Woozi has a fixed schedule for his every day; time of sleep, time of waking up, time of breakfast, time of bath, time of playing piano- everything. And the facility, a bit known for being money 'hogs' were eager to break the boy rather than to fix him because of the amount his parents have given them.

Just until he gets better, they said–but they paid for a whole year stay.

 

"Wonwoo?" he was snapped back to reality because of Jun's voice, making him blink because of the sudden snapping of fingers in front of him. "The program has ended, everybody else went back to their quarters." the Chinese said which made him look at the now empty chairs around them.

 

Wonwoo stood up and dusted off nonexistent specs on his pants. "I'll be going back to my room as well." he said, ready to walk out and leave Jun behind but was stopped when he felt a sudden weight on his shoulder.

 

"You know you gotta speak up if you want out of the program easily." Jun starts. "Which I know that you would really want to happen."

 

"I was told they don't force people here to voice out their problems so they can be at ease when the right time comes." the raven haired male retorts with venom laced in his voice, wanting nothing but to shrug off Junhui's hand.

 

"I'm not forcing you to." Jun says in defense. "It has been months, Won and there's nothing you have said other than the fact that you are an only son. I had to check your papers to even know your name and age. Help me help you, Wonwoo."

 

The feeling of having Jun's hand on his shoulder was slowly starting to get to Wonwoo. The heat that Jun's hand was radiating felt really hot and he could feel cold sweat running down his spine. His eyes starting to lose focus and he tried his best not to tremble then and there. Gulping down, he luckily manages to swat off Jun's hand and walk out. "Not now, Jun. Pass."

 

1:21 am. Wonwoo tossed and turned in his sheets, seeming like he can't get a position where he could sleep comfortably in. He had his bedside lamp turned off and only crickets could be heard singing from outside and maybe some droplets of dew if he listens more. Other people would find the silence relaxing and peaceful but for Wonwoo, it was the opposite. The silence makes him think of a lot of things. Think, think and overthink. It gives him a free space for his mind to exercise remembering things, and flashing things in his eyes when he closes them. It makes his body reminisce touches, lips feel kisses and ears hear his uneven breaths. It was crazy and scary.

It makes him remember the very reason why he was in the center in the first place.

It makes him remember that person's face, his hair, his eyes, his nose, his lips, his jaw, his skin, his smile, his voice, his laugh, his hands, his hold, his hugs, his touch and everything else about that person. Mingyu. He could recall everything in detail and can explain it in his own words but he couldn't find his voice and courage to speak about such thing; how he was woken, how he was hugged, how he was kissed, how he was touched, how he was loved...

 

 

 

...how he was left.

 

 

He wanted to forget everything. He wanted to forget it all but at times like this the memories come hunting again and again like a broken record. It worsens each day and every waking moment of his life. It affects his mood and his wellbeing and he swears he couldn't get back on his own two feet because of it. But he has to.

 

He has to sleep to start a day anew. He has to get rid of the dark circles under his eyes and he has to get better.

 

But as soon as he closes his eyes, he sees light blue ceiling and he feels someone beside him.

 

"Baby, wake up~"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This time had to be the most vivid it had gotten. He could feel literally everything and hear the birds and crickets singing outside in a disturbing melody his ears couldn't handle. But a certain husky and slightly lisped voice had taken him out of his current trance.

 

"Baby, wake up~" Mingyu calls out softly, hand on his hips as a soft caress, shaking him lightly as if he was the most fragile thing ever. Bigger hands pulled at smaller ones and got Wonwoo up into a sitting position. "I made breakfast for us, let's go downstairs, okay?"

 

A smile curves up widely on Wonwoo's face albeit a bit lopsidedly since he was still groggy from having to wake up a bit earlier than usual. But it's not like he would be able to go back to sleep if he wished since he knew that Mingyu would be up and shaking him again to wake up and go taste his deliciously made pancakes downstairs. Wonwoo padded his feet out the bedroom and then to the bathroom to fix himself a bit, playing and stretching his cheeks with his hands as if to lessen the swell. Mingyu would still say that he's cute, with swollen face or not.

Sweater paws held on securely to the stair's railing so he wouldn't slip like the last time when he broke his ankle. But it was quite a good experience since the taller male threw away his crutches and volunteered to carry him around and even outside as if it was the most normal thing ever. Mingyu never complained about his weight and he had always bragged in front of the mirror that he's very strong because he always go to the gym unlike Wonwoo who was always at home and school.

The unmistakable smell of bacon wafted through his nostrils and he was quick to back hug the taller for making him his favorite breakfast. As always, he couldn't help but wonder why the other always smelled so good even if he haven't washed himself up yet. Not thinking for a second that it must be because of the fabric conditioner clinging onto Mingyu's shirt.

 

A smile on Mingyu's lips was splayed and he just had the urge to tease Wonwoo, looking down at him over his shoulder. "Someone's being very clingy~" he chuckles in his morning voice. "You might get hot oil on your skin though and I wouldn't want that so please go to your seat and patiently wait for bacon. You can start with the pancakes."

 

"Do I get coffee too~?" Wonwoo asks cutely, eyes turning into crescents as he looks back at Mingyu.

 

"No baby, you know I don't like you staying up late." Mingyu frowns a bit. "I told you to lay off the coffee because you might have dark circles under your eyes. I wouldn't want that to happen, okay?" he gives a stern look that makes Wonwoo pull back a bit and then nod reluctantly.

 

Wonwoo went to his seat as told and grabbed a fork to slice up the pancakes into bits, smiling as he took his first bite to welcome the taste that he knew all too well. "Did Mom call again when I was asleep?" he tilts his head to the side and stares at Mingyu's broad back; one that he wanted to have as well someday. "She always call at the wrong time." he chews on his lower lip.

 

Mingyu had finished frying the bacon at the same time Wonwoo asked so he first decided to put the strips onto a plate before going to take his seat in front of Wonwoo, placing the plate of bacon strips at the table. "Your mom did call but she just asked me if you're doing well in school and I said yes, looking at those straight A+'s on the fridge." he winks at Wonwoo and grins wide. "She also told me to take care of you well and not give you any more coffee."

 

"That's mean." Wonwoo pouts as he takes a strip of bacon and chews loudly. "But I like coffee! And you drink it so why can't I!?"

 

Mingyu reaches out to poke Wonwoo's nose playfully. "You know very well why you can't~" A giggle was heard, echoing throughout the tiled kitchen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wonwoo woke up with a gasp, the wind seemed not to calm down much at this time; 1:43am. He looks at the small digital clock on his bedside table and places a hand on his chest. "Why can't I drink coffee at that time?" he whispers to himself and starts gripping the sheets with his free hand. His upper teeth slowly adding pressure on his lower lip, not quite painful but enough to distract him from the thought swirling in his mind. He sneezes and uses the white blanket to cover his mouth, a small tinge of blood was present, indicating that he had bit his lip enough to peel the chapped skin.

He needed water to moisten up.

Now with socked feet, he gets up from bed and quietly walks out his room and to the quarter's kitchen that was meant to be shared for every person currently under the programs in the facility. Only a handful of people use it though, for late night snacks or when somebody's sane enough to cook for a certain clique. Wonwoo just uses it for drinking purposes, storing bottled water in the fridge quite often.

But before he could even reach his hand out to open the fridge door, he heard quiet sniffs from the dry food storage that had its door slightly ajar. The surroundings was awfully quiet so he could clearly make out what the other person inside the room was saying.

 

"Hyung..." he recognized the voice as Woozi and Wonwoo wanted to get out of there before he gets caught because first, it's Woozi, second, they're always at each other's necks, third, his throat might get cut by the other and fourth, he didn't want to eavesdrop. It's just that it somehow feels like his feet were superglued onto the floor and forced to stay, not to make any move or noise and just listen.

 

"Yoongi hyung... I don't... I wanna go home..." Woozi croaks out from inside the room, sobbing more and a bit muffled. Wonwoo wonders how the smaller could get ahold of a cellphone since it was prohibited in the facility. There should be no absolute contact from the outside since it might gravely affect the current status of the 'patient's' mental stability.

 

Wonwoo feels his throat tighten and he badly needs that bottle of cold water right now to widen it back. He feels his breath shorten with every hiccup and he had the urge to run back to his room again but it was all too late when he hears the storage room door creak open, wider than before and lo the shorter man, swollen red eyes and tear stained cheeks on display.

 

He looks at Wonwoo as if he's waiting for the taller for something to say. A remark, maybe to make him feel smaller than he already is but Wonwoo stands frozen in his place, eyes on Woozi's face. After a few second of staring, the shorter of two contemplates on his decisions of just leaving Wonwoo there without any word but also knowing that the latter isn't really much of a talker, he turns on his heels. Boy, he sighed a bit when Wonwoo opened his mouth to say something.

 

"I... your hyung..." Wonwoo starts but he doesn't know what words are gonna follow next. What did your brother say? Why is Wonwoo even curious? He keeps his mouth shut but little did he know that he voiced his thoughts out loud before he did so.

 

The shorter whips his head back to Wonwoo's direction with a small frown and the latter right then felt smaller than Woozi right at that moment. "Why? Even if I tell you, you won't understand how I feel. You're an only son and you don't have a brother. Don't even try putting yourself in my shoes like Jun always does." There's this small crack in his voice but Wonwoo isn't going to be an ass and point that out.

 

Woozi was right. Why did he even ask?

 

He was left alone in the kitchen after the smaller male's remark. But then again random images flashed in his eyes the moment he chose to blink and his knees started to tremble. "Woozi, I-" he turns around but finds nobody there.

 

Just what was he supposed to say?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It haunts Wonwoo for the whole day, just thinking of the words he was about to tell Woozi about. It was on the tip of his tongue yet he couldn't pinpoint what it exactly it was. He was close to pulling at his own hair in frustration but he tries his best to keep his hands to himself, placed on either sides, curled up in fists. He grits his teeth as he stares on his bedroom floor, wanting to bite at his nails yet he still prohibits himself from doing so. He heaves a sigh, shifting to get a grip on the sheets instead.

There was a sudden itch on his skin but he doesn't know where to scratch.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was the day of the program with Jun again but it seems like there was someone missing. Wonwoo looks around and finds Hansol's seat empty. Everyone stares at the empty chair until Jun started to greet them and tell them the reason why Hansol isn't around. He claps his hands together to snap all others from their trance, bringing all attention back to him where it's supposed to be. Wonwoo knows everybody has a hint on why the youngest boy’s seat is empty.

 

"Hansol was evaluated yesterday and was deemed fit to be excused from the program." Jun said, confirming Wonwoo's assumptions as well as the other guys in the room. "His sister and his mother picked him up and didn't really want to have a proper farewell celebration here, hence..." he sighs and almost pouts because he surely had planned to have a blast.  ”Anyways~!" he collects himself and looks at them with the same sickening smile. "Time for story telling! Wonwoo, you go first."

 

Wonwoo looks up at Jun with a small frown on his face, not of annoyance but of confusion yet he himself is confused as to why he had such an expression on his face. Jun doesn't speak but only stares and Jihoon finds it interesting as well since Wonwoo usually dismisses Jun without a blink of an eye. Everyone else watches as well and waits for words to escape Wonwoo's mouth. "Pass..." he breathes out, voice slightly trembling. Everyone sighs as silently as they could. Wonwoo caught himself before he could place a hand on his chest to feel the rapid beating of his heart. He had held his breath for 30 seconds.

 

That was new. Jun concluded as well. He doesn't try to coax Wonwoo to speak more and just easily complies, having hope that maybe in the next meeting, he would finally speak what has been bothering him.

 

Woozi had the same expression as Jun, looking with Wonwoo as if he had managed to move the mountains. He admits to himself that he got curious as to why Wonwoo suddenly acted the way he just did. What could have possibly happened the past days?

 

 

 

 

 

The answer? His dreams started to haunt him more, getting worse each night.

 

 

 

 

 

"Baby, what flavor of ice cream would you like? Hm? Vanilla?" Mingyu asks as he unbuckles his seatbelt so he could get out of the car and head inside the ice cream parlor. They were bound for the park just to hang out by the benches like usual but it was one of the things Wonwoo liked to do most with the other male.

 

Wonwoo beams brightly at Mingyu and nods his head in full eagerness. He wasn't really on to say what he liked or wanted since he trusts that Mingyu already knows what would be best for him. He even lets the male dress him up on a daily basis and bathe him even if he can do it on his own. Truth be told, Wonwoo really liked being spoiled so much by Mingyu even if it was excessive. It feels great, why would he even dislike it?

 

There's one thing he doesn't like about being treated by Mingyu. If there's one thing he really didn't like and hated to the core was what's happening after a few a minutes when Mingyu made his way back to the car with the pair of ice cream cones in both hands. There was ice cream everywhere, messing up the backseat as Wonwoo was positioned on top of the taller male, clinging onto him as he feels the warm appendage stretching him open painfully. He couldn't get accustomed to it no matter how he tried his best but he never once complained since he sees how Mingyu shows in his expressions that he likes it. It was the only thing he knows he can do to make up for the spoiling that the taller male had done.

 

"Fuck, baby, you're so tight." Mingyu growls lowly and starts marking Wonwoo's pale neck with hickeys and bites, making the latter whimper and cry more as he picks up a faster pace to chase his orgasm. Slightly calloused fingers dug on Wonwoo's unblemished skin as Mingyu released himself inside him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Wake up you idiot! Why won't you fucking wake up!?" Wonwoo tried his best to catch his breath as he was woken up with cold water splashed on his face. His eyes were opened wide and his pupils were blown. He could feel a hand rubbing his back which caused him to flinch and back away until his back had reached the headboard of his bed.

 

"Don't touch me!" He shrieks and gathers the sheets close to his chest, hiding his body as if he was naked. Woozi was there in front of him with an empty glass on his hand, looking as him in a mix of worry and confusion. It was the first time he had seen the smaller male with such an expression and he tries to calm himself down more.

 

Woozi placed the glass on Wonwoo's bedside table and sighed. "Look here, I saved your life just now and you have the audacity to look at me in disgust?" he spat in distaste and scrunched his nose. "You were breaking in cold sweat." He grabs a face towel from Wonwoo's drawer and tosses it to him. "I'm sure you can wipe your face yourself. You wouldn't even let me touch you anyways."

 

Wonwoo does what he was told and wipes the mixed cold sweat and water on his face and neck with the towel that has been thrown to him. He doesn't speak, feeling small under Woozi's gaze. His hand trembles as he lets go of the sheets to reach the soaked part of his back too.

 

"I'm going now." Woozi stands up from his seat on the edge of Wonwoo's bed but he was stopped from walking as he felt cold fingers wrap around his wrist. "What is it?" he turns around and finds himself speechless at the flustered looking Wonwoo. He should laugh at his current state as they were always at each other's throat and would even die to see one of them looking vulnerable. Just that Woozi can't feel such even when he's now facing Wonwoo at his weak state. He bites his lower lip as he waits for Wonwoo to speak.

 

Glimmering onyx orbs stare up at Woozi in a pleading manner. "Don't leave me alone... keep me awake. Please, I don't want to go to sleep."

 

Woozi holds the hand that was on his wrist and removes it quite rudely; but he turns around to face Wonwoo with a nod. "I'll just go to the kitchen and bring back coffee."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wonwoo rubs his sleepy eyes as he tried his best to focus on the book in his other hand. Woozi left at six in the morning when the staff had announced that breakfast had already been served in the mess hall. He doesn't forget to fill Wonwoo's mug for the seventh time before he walks out his door wordlessly. Wonwoo didn't even give a word of thanks to the smaller male but he hoped his small smile was at least seen as him being grateful for the occasional slaps and pinches on his thigh to keep him awake for the whole night. Wonwoo was also apologetic for what he requested of the other but he was dismissed easily since Woozi couldn't sleep anyway. He removes the blanket covering his bare legs and he chuckles faintly at the red marks from Woozi's pinches. He was sure the other enjoyed pinching him as hard as he could.

 

A knock on his door made him turn his attention to it and he frowns slightly as he sees Jun peeking from the side. "Can I come in?" he asks as he shows himself with a small smile on his face. Wonwoo wanted to protest but he found himself absentmindedly nodding at Jun who helps himself in and sits on the same spot that Woozi had sat on earlier. "Woozi approached me earlier and told me you have something interesting to tell~?"

 

Wonwoo thought of grilling that small guy later. He looks at Jun and frowns slightly, shaking his head. "He was just saying that so you'd come here in my room and annoy the shit out of me with all these questions, Jun." He eyes the other and places his book on his bedside table.

 

"Well, I think you should tell me what I've been wanting to hear from you since day one. It's just you and me here. I thought that one of the factors why you won't speak up about it is that you don't want anybody else to hear." Jun explains and Wonwoo was quick to retaliate.

 

"Maybe you're right about that and so, so right about me not wanting any other person to hear. Even you." he narrows his eyes at Jun slightly and purses his lips for a moment. He wanted so badly to shoo away the other male in the room but he provides great company to be able to avoid sleep so he decides on it further. He is torn between making Jun go and make him stay.

 

Jun crosses his arms over his chest and raises a brow at him. "I tell you what, Wonwoo. You know of this fact yet you don't put it to good use." he sighs. "You know very well that if you comply with us easily and help us help you, it would be easier for you to be out of here as soon as possible. You want to be away from us, right?"

 

Wonwoo looks at Jun and he found it so easy to see the sincerity in his eyes. His lips spoke of no ill will and his smile is full of honesty and encouragement. Still, he can't find the urge to say what he wants to say. Maybe it is his want that isn't enough for him to speak about what lies in his past that made him come to the facility. All everyone knows about him is that he was someone who went to the main door with tears in his eyes, clothes drenched from the rain as he begged the staff to take him in. But then after a few months, he started having the need to get away from the place.

 

"I won't include you in the group program anymore if you want and I will just visit you on a two-day schedule. This might help you more-"

 

"No." Jun was right. He has to help them help him. "I will still join the group's schedule. It would be a burden for you to visit me here on a basis since the staff quarters are far from here. Besides, if I manage to tell something to you, you will urge me to tell it to the others too, right?"

 

"Well, I-"

"I'm right. Right? I already know that such thing is bound to happen." Wonwoo dismisses. "I... will tell you about it on the program with everybody. But, promise me that you'll get me out of here in months’ time."

 

Jun frowns in a bit of confusion, the wires in his head were slow to process what he just heard from Wonwoo but then he manages to connect the pieces together after a minute or two. "Wonwoo. Just because you told us your background doesn't mean you're ready to be released from the facility. We have to make sure you're better." he bites his lower lip. "But I can guarantee that it will be easier for you to get out of here soon if you do so and further cooperate with us."

 

He thinks it over before he grabs his book and starts reading again. "I will do it. I promise. You can take your leave now, Jun." He says with a slight tremble in his voice, unsure of himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Later in the evening, Wonwoo found his vision hazy and his head feeling heavy but his mind went fully alert when two bottles of red bull was placed on his bedside table along with a box of KitKat and a few energy bars. "I assume you won't be needing me tonight." He looks at Woozi with shiny orbs and the other had to look away not to find him looking pitiful.

 

"Where did you get all these?" He looks at the food items curiously. They obviously were bought from a convenience store outside. Neither Wonwoo nor Woozi has visitors from the outside to give them convenience store food and only bottled water are sold in the facility.

 

"Jeonghan collapsed from stomach ache and they discovered these in his mini-fridge. He was on stress eating spree again. I happened to pass by and the staff gave these to me. I don't really like sweets and then when I saw the red bull, I thought of you." he explains. "Eat up. You haven't been outside your room for a whole day. You should probably shower too." Woozi said lastly before he left a red faced Wonwoo in his room.

 

The cold shower helped Wonwoo keep awake and he made sure to drink the red bull until the last drop. His head didn't feel heavy anymore and he spent his time reading his book so his mind won't wander off. There were only four chapters left and he knows he could finish it until tomorrow.

 

Wonwoo's finger shakes as he flips the last page, eyes focusing and un-focusing as he looked over the pile of KitKat wrappers on his table. He managed to still be awake on the next day, luckily. His stomach grumbles as if it was begging to make him eat a proper meal but he refuses to get out of bed. Having to walk to the mess hall would make him tired and being tired leads to falling asleep. He gets another book from his drawer after finishing his previous one. He has to prevent himself from not doing anything.

This kept on until another evening came. It would be tomorrow that he has to tell everyone about his past. He sure won't back down and break off his promise to Jun as he badly wants to be out the facility as possible. What he thought to be a place like a haven for him was a place where his dreams could easily haunt him. It scares him.

It scares him greatly.

But he couldn't avoid it no matter how much effort he pushes when his eyes close upon flipping the first page and he collapses on his bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mingyu throws his head back in bliss as he grabs a fistful of Wonwoo's hair who was looking up at him curiously with a small frown. "Am... am I doing well?" Wonwoo asks in a small voice as he holds the thick appendage in his hand that could barely wrap fully around it. He gives a few light strokes, settled down on the floor in between Mingyu's thighs who was sitting on the couch, spread out.

 

"Hmm, yes baby~ you're doing so fucking good right now." The taller shifts a bit and exhales an amount of breath as Wonwoo started to give kittenish licks on his shaft up and down, until he licks at the precum that had gathered on the head of Mingyu's cock. He sucks messily and noisily, though still frowning up at Mingyu because he never really liked how the liquid tasted in his tongue. He wraps his small lips around the head just how Mingyu liked it and he tried his best to fit only a fourth of the length in his mouth as it was only how far he could go.

 

It only took a few up and down bobs of his head before he chokes on the white warm liquid spilling out from Mingyu's tip. He swallows nonetheless, just as how Mingyu wanted him to.

 

"Good boy." Mingyu praises as he pulls Wonwoo in his arms for a peck on his lips.

 

When Wonwoo closes his eyes against Mingyu's chest, he opens his eyes and then he wakes up on a train station with his mom by his side. He looks at her in confusion and she gives him a look that he couldn't decipher. But he could clearly feel the tears escaping his eyes as he continues to stare right back at her.

 

"Mingyu's just visiting his mother back in the province, Wonwoo. Let's go home." his mother leads the way to the parking lot just outside the station and then she drives them both home.

 

The air inside the car felt suffocating for Wonwoo as he sat in the backseat, holding his cheek as he faintly remembers seeing a bruise on someone's cheek. Probably from earlier...? There were a lot of people at the train station so he might've seen someone who had a bruise on his cheek. But he closes his eyes and opens them again in a new scenery. He was now lying down in his bedroom in their house, tears pouring out from his eyes again as he remembers that it was Mingyu with a bruise on his cheek and that he knows now that the tall male won't ever be back again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why was it so hard for him to tell his story?

 

Why was it so easy for the others to open up?

 

Why can't he do the same?

 

Wonwoo takes a cold shower as soon as he wakes up and he finally eats food at the mess hall although he was losing his appetite. He never really liked eating fish since the eyeballs looking back at him had left some imprint in his mind. 'You're eating me. I won't forget you.' he imagines the fish talking. Oh, what a mind. He should really stop reading fantasy novels if he could.

His face is void of emotion as he walks towards the room where the group program with Jun was held at and he could already see the bunch inside with Jun already talking to each of them. The man didn't fail to notice Wonwoo coming inside as well as the others, greeting him with a small smile and a nod as he sits in his usual seat. He could sense the hint of surprise in Jun's voice when he greeted him.

Wonwoo taps his feet soundlessly on the tiles floor as he was getting more and more impatient by the minute he feels like he's going to burst if this keeps up. They had a new set up where the last one to arrive will be the last one to speak. Since Wonwoo was late, he would be the one to speak last. He thinks. He thinks a lot of things. His thoughts go haywire and he feels dizzy as he continues to tap his feet on the floor which didn't get unnoticed by Woozi. Though the small male didn't make any comments about it, he had his eyes now set on Wonwoo.

Just a few more minutes and Jun now has his attention on Wonwoo as well. But unlike Woozi, Jun stood right in front of Wonwoo with an expectant look on his face.

 

Wonwoo trembles as he stands up from his seat, looking at anywhere but anyone.

 

He has to say it.

 

He needs to say it.

 

It has to come out of his mouth.

 

He needs to let the suffocating words out so he would finally be able to breathe.

 

Wonwoo clutches on the chest area of his shirt, gritting his teeth as he find tears pooling in his eyes that were yet to fall. He looks up at Jun who was shock and confusion written on his face. It was a first that he had stood at the center. It was the first that he saw Wonwoo looking so small and vulnerable as if he was a helpless child. It was the first time that he dreaded for Wonwoo to say something. It was the first time he wanted to cover Wonwoo's mouth with his hand and just send him home right then and there.

 

But he doesn't do those things.

 

So Wonwoo finally opens his mouth and starts to speak.

 

Wonwoo wants to forget everything. He wants to forget it all so the dreams won't come haunting him again and again like a broken record. It worsens each day and every waking moment of his life. It affects his mood and his wellbeing and he swears he couldn't get back on his own two feet because of it.

 

But he has to.

 

He has to get better.

 

"I..." Wonwoo pauses with his first syllable and his body shakes. He suddenly remembers the very reason why he was in the center in the first place.

 

He suddenly remembers Mingyu's face, Mingyu's hair, Mingyu's eyes, Mingyu's nose, Mingyu's lips, Mingyu's jaw, Mingyu's sun-kissed skin, Mingyu's toothy smile, Mingyu's husky voice, Mingyu's hearty laugh, Mingyu's calloused hands, Mingyu's gentle hold, Mingyu's tight hugs, Mingyu's touch and everything else about that him. Wonwoo could suddenly recall everything like he watched all of it in a movie he starred at. How he was woken, how he was hugged, how he was kissed, how he was touched, how he was loved...

 

How did he feel all those?

 

Wonwoo felt... so disgusted.

 

He curls his hands tightly into fists by his sides and he remembers that night when he caught Woozi talking to his brother on the phone. He remembered what he was supposed to say. He pursed his lips before he subtly clears his throat to try and speak once more. "My father had a son with his first wife before he was re-married to my mother. His name is Mingyu and he attended Yonsei University for college..." he starts and gulps down his saliva.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"...I was seven years old."

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry


End file.
